A Joyful Keeper

‘Tis the season to be jolly…. right? Well, for some of us maybe, but not for all. This first “Nanna’s Notes” deals with depression during the holiday season…..

Why is it at Christmas time so many fall into depression and find a sword piercing their soul? One reason is because at Christmas people feel under pressure to “be happy”. The expectation from almost everyone around is: “This is Christmas - so drop all expressions of sadness and put on a happy face.” Those who are, for various reasons, feeling sad at Christmas and are under pressure from society not to show that sadness, may become resentful about this state of affairs and then push the resentment down inside them. And repressed resentment can soon turn into depression.

What does all this say to us? It says that we need always to be sensitive to one another’s circumstances and problems, but never so much as at Christmas.

For those who are in financial straits, Christmas seems fun only for the rich: “Everyone has plenty of money but me.” Some people get depressed when they can’t buy lavish gifts while others charge up a storm and postpone their depression until the bills come in later.

Another cause of “Christmas depression” has to do with our faculty of memory. Our memories are capable of remembering both good and bad things - either can trigger depression. A depressed teenager once said, “My main memory of Christmas is of my father coming home with a tree, but now he is gone and will never do that for me again.” A depressed woman said, “My childhood Christmases had so many disappointments and bad memories that no matter how I try, I just can’t enter into the spirit of the season.” Two different memories, one good and one bad, but each in its own way triggering the same reaction.

Yet another cause of “Christmas depression” arises from the traditional receiving of gifts. How can receiving a gift throw a person into depression? Well, when some people are given a valuable gift at Christmas they interpret it as being more than they deserve, or, if the gift is not valuable they interpret it as being less than they deserve. It is not the gift, of course, that causes the depression, but the person’s perception of how that gift relates to his or her worth. This is why the biggest barrier against depression is to have a sense of worth that can stand anything that happens to you - gain or loss, increase or decrease, success or failure. And that comes only from an understanding of how much you are worth to God.

Let’s say that for any one of these reasons, or for some creative ones of your own, you get depressed at Christmas. What can you do about it?

Face the problem before it appears. Sit down and make a realistic appraisal of what went wrong last year and how you can prevent it this year. Did you blow up at your family because you were overtired? Were you angry because you didn’t get what you had asked for? Was there a fight over where to be on Christmas Day? When you look back on it, wasn’t most of it trivial?

Plan ahead. We need to give ourselves sufficient time to rest. If we shorten our list of have-tos and still find that we are exhausted, we need to seriously consider cutting back on tasks even more. Cross out items until you are left with a list you know you can manage and will enjoy accomplishing.

Divide responsibilities. Plan ahead and divide responsibilities for the food preparation. With this apportioning of duties, one person is not the depressed drudge of the day and yet no one has to do too much. Don’t be a Christmas martyr mother.

Make it simple. Don’t exhaust yourself over impressive gourmet treats and lavish displays, with everyone so tense that they want to leave before the flaming plum pudding. The food, fun and fellowship can flow freely and no one minds when the clean up is simple.

Do for others. Don’t get so caught up in elaborate and time consuming preparation that you don’t have time for people. If Christmas cards are a problem, don’t send them until after the holidays. The recipients have more time to read them when the rush is over. Call some friends far away and let them know you are thinking of them. Give some gifts to the poor. Minister to those who have lost loved ones in the past year. The first Christmas is always the hardest for someone grieving over a death while everyone else seems to be at a perpetual party.

Jesus is the Reason for the Season

Was Christmas created for presents and parties or for the celebration of our Saviour’s birth? When our attention is focused on the true reason for Christmas we won’t be depressed. When we’re giving to others in Jesus’ name, he will give us peace that passes all understanding.

We give gifts at Christmas. Giving unveils love and warmth. Perhaps you feel lonely, or trodden-over or broken. If you do, why not reach out this Christmas and take hold of the greatest Christmas gift of all - Jesus Christ, who has come to fill your life with love and warmth, forgiveness and hope?

Excerpts taken from “Every Day with Jesus” by Selwyn Hughes, “Blow away the Black Clouds” by Florence Littauer & “Turn Around 100 Times” by Ian Hickingbotham.